Friday, September 10, 2010
3D. An overated Pain in My Ass.
Recently a fad from the late 70s, 80s, and early 90s has made an most unwelcome return: 3D films. While they never left being theme park attractions, they started to return to theaters (Goddamn you TIME magazine, it is not the future!!). In fact entire films and unfortunately games like to boast about being in 3D (cough Avatar cough, Resident Evil cough Saw [still a piece of shit] cough Jackass 3D), like the re-release of Batman Arkham Asylum. 3D doesn't due jack shit, you have to where a pair of migraine inducing, eye fucking up glasses and shit looks like it's coming towards you. I know from experience due to the fact theater I saw Resident Evil at today didn't show the 2D, all they had was 3D and IMAX 3D. Here let me get a point across, a piece of shit film is a piece of shit film, all 3D does is make a piece of shit film where shit looks like it is coming at you. Avatar was okay, it's overrated [highly] and 3D doesn't help, it just means those damn bipedal blue cats look like they're closer to ya. Well guess what they're not and they never will be (unless girls and guys at conventions or you're a stage hand at XXX Avatar parodies) because they're not real. While I don't watch Jackass, even though the thought of stupid people maiming, injuring or possibly killing themselves (purifying the gene pool) does sound funny, 3D doesn't make watching a dude blow his ballsack off any more up close. And Saw....well considering how this series already sucks and Watchmen beat them to it with the idea of the series, 3D again won't save this piece of shit but thankfully it maybe the last. While it may have come along way since Friday The 13Th part 3 (I recommend the 2D version, good film) and Freddy's Dead in terms of Technology, it will never aid the story of the film. So in other words SAVE IT FOR THE FUCKING THEME PARKS OR AT LEAST MAKING A FUCKING 2D OPTION ALWAYS AVAILABLE!
Resident Evil Afterlife [spoiler alert]
First off for people who hate Alice, I'll save you two hours: She doesn't die.
When I first heard about the fourth Resident Evil film I did not expect much. The first one sucked ass, it's only saving graces were Milla Jovovich, Eric Maibus, and the dude who played "One". The second, Apocalypse, was moderately better, especially thanks to Jill Valentine and Nemesis from the videogames and with Sienna Guillory as Jill (Oh, boy she was just orgasmic as Jill.), but still wasn't all that great. The third seemed to be a Day Of The Dead rip-off, it's saving grace was Jason O'Mara as Albert Wesker. The third one, Extinction, had so many problems such as Dr. Issacs becoming the Tyrant, killing off LJ (Epps was one of the few good things about series), Killing off Olivera (problem for Carlos fans not for me, but Fehr was a good Carlos). And now number 4...Afterlife, where to begin? Better than number one and three. One of the biggest annoyances lies not within the plot but filming: 3D. WHAT THE FUCK?! We're not in the 1970s-1980s, flying shit coming out of the screen really isn't all that impressive and the fucking technology is painful, (I have a major Migraine as I am writing this). One thing I was glad to see is the Alice character lose her powers. However don't let the trailers and rumors fool you: Jill and Wesker are in this, they're just not in it a lot. Even for someone who runs things from behind the scenes. Speaking of Wesker, he was both a blessing and a curse for this film. Chris and Claire Redfield are in the film, since I hate their game counterparts, they were alright in the film.
For Redfield fans, Chris is a member of the Army in the film and is not affiliated with the Air-Force or even S.T.A.R.S. (but then again neither was Wesker). And Claire like almost everyone else who survives the film has a mind control device in her chest but a powerless Alice removes it shortly after they are reunited.
1) Despite being the main villain, he doesn't seem as involved with the plot.
2) He appears to be struggling with the virus for control. He appears to be halfway dead or has rigor mortis, since his neck is broken apparently since it pops every time he moves.
3) Unsatisfying conclusion: Wesker finds the bomb on his transport and it says he has two minutes. Two minutes to throw that thing the fuck overboard or smash out through the wind shield. Due to this it's hard to tell whether or not he was killed but the ensuing explosion (Mr. Anderson, bear in mind, you pretty much fucked up the other villains of the series, so if do you decide to make a sequel just use Wesker again)
My other beef is that Jill was only in it for two minutes at the most, but in away this made a better, thrilling ending. And Sienna still looks terrific as Jill, even if it's her from Resident Evil 5. So also bring Sienna back for the sequel. (hmm Jill vs. Alice....how bout that hot twosome Jeremy Bolt wanted for Apocalypse's ending?)
Finally the monsters....The Zombies begin to change into the "Majini" from Resident Evil 5 and that stupid Executioner monster is in the film, only in better shape (*phone rings* Executioner: Stardom?! I better become slim and trim!) So basically if you hated Resident Evil 5 you may hate or like this one.
I give Resident Evil Afterlife a 3 1/2 out of 5.
When I first heard about the fourth Resident Evil film I did not expect much. The first one sucked ass, it's only saving graces were Milla Jovovich, Eric Maibus, and the dude who played "One". The second, Apocalypse, was moderately better, especially thanks to Jill Valentine and Nemesis from the videogames and with Sienna Guillory as Jill (Oh, boy she was just orgasmic as Jill.), but still wasn't all that great. The third seemed to be a Day Of The Dead rip-off, it's saving grace was Jason O'Mara as Albert Wesker. The third one, Extinction, had so many problems such as Dr. Issacs becoming the Tyrant, killing off LJ (Epps was one of the few good things about series), Killing off Olivera (problem for Carlos fans not for me, but Fehr was a good Carlos). And now number 4...Afterlife, where to begin? Better than number one and three. One of the biggest annoyances lies not within the plot but filming: 3D. WHAT THE FUCK?! We're not in the 1970s-1980s, flying shit coming out of the screen really isn't all that impressive and the fucking technology is painful, (I have a major Migraine as I am writing this). One thing I was glad to see is the Alice character lose her powers. However don't let the trailers and rumors fool you: Jill and Wesker are in this, they're just not in it a lot. Even for someone who runs things from behind the scenes. Speaking of Wesker, he was both a blessing and a curse for this film. Chris and Claire Redfield are in the film, since I hate their game counterparts, they were alright in the film.
For Redfield fans, Chris is a member of the Army in the film and is not affiliated with the Air-Force or even S.T.A.R.S. (but then again neither was Wesker). And Claire like almost everyone else who survives the film has a mind control device in her chest but a powerless Alice removes it shortly after they are reunited.
1) Despite being the main villain, he doesn't seem as involved with the plot.
2) He appears to be struggling with the virus for control. He appears to be halfway dead or has rigor mortis, since his neck is broken apparently since it pops every time he moves.
3) Unsatisfying conclusion: Wesker finds the bomb on his transport and it says he has two minutes. Two minutes to throw that thing the fuck overboard or smash out through the wind shield. Due to this it's hard to tell whether or not he was killed but the ensuing explosion (Mr. Anderson, bear in mind, you pretty much fucked up the other villains of the series, so if do you decide to make a sequel just use Wesker again)
My other beef is that Jill was only in it for two minutes at the most, but in away this made a better, thrilling ending. And Sienna still looks terrific as Jill, even if it's her from Resident Evil 5. So also bring Sienna back for the sequel. (hmm Jill vs. Alice....how bout that hot twosome Jeremy Bolt wanted for Apocalypse's ending?)
Finally the monsters....The Zombies begin to change into the "Majini" from Resident Evil 5 and that stupid Executioner monster is in the film, only in better shape (*phone rings* Executioner: Stardom?! I better become slim and trim!) So basically if you hated Resident Evil 5 you may hate or like this one.
I give Resident Evil Afterlife a 3 1/2 out of 5.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Comics Invasion: Where Arst Thou?
Lately a very helpful service known as Comics Invasion has been the victim of attacks. The attacks: loss of domains (cough, blogspot, cough wordpress, cough). The attackers: Marvel and Google. It seems that Marvel is now supremely pissed at people who upload their comics on the Internet and has now forced google to delete each Comics Invasion spot, despite the fact they carry more DC, Image, DDP, IDW than Marvel. Marvel Comics....What the Hell happened to you? You used to be great company, but now: Your stories have become hit and miss, your business practices seem slightly erratic, you allow people to make nonsensical films based on your mainstream and terrible ultimates universe, and last you allowed yourself to be bought by Disney. Mother-fucking DISNEY!! Admit Marvel this is all just because you're upset that you are now Disney's bitch and it is probably going to continue to negatively affect your profits. At least with the "pirated" comics they had messages that encouraged people to at least buy the damn book or trade paper back that it would appear in. And if the staff of comics invasion is reading this, there are people who are looking for your new site if you have one or get one. Marvel please, be like the others, have some compassion for the miserable people like myself who can't make it to a place of business every month that sells your stories and many other companies stories and therefore use services as this to keep up.
A tale of two Batmen...what again? Also Watchmen, Zombies
Starting in October, well the end of October anyway, there will be "two Batmen". Why? After all that non-stop bitching Dick Grayson (aka Robin I, aka Nightwing) did about being in Batman's shadow and finally being 'Batman' you'd think he would gladly give up the cape and cowl to his former mentor. To set the record straight, there is only one Batman and he calls himself Bruce Wayne during the day; anyone else is just an immature, inexperienced wannabe with issues. Hopefully this won't go for more than two-four months. In other news Watchmen 2 is becoming more and more possible.
(http://www.bleedingcool.com/2010/09/09/alan-moore-speaks-watchmen-2-to-adi-tantimedh/)
Avatar is also releasing a new Night Of The Living Dead series (finally!), it appears to be an adaption of the film, most likely the 1968 edition. look for issue 1.
(http://www.bleedingcool.com/2010/09/09/alan-moore-speaks-watchmen-2-to-adi-tantimedh/)
Avatar is also releasing a new Night Of The Living Dead series (finally!), it appears to be an adaption of the film, most likely the 1968 edition. look for issue 1.
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